Work in Progress

I’m a goal oriented person. I love to see the end result even if I don’t know the beginning. That makes it really hard when I’m at a point in my life that I can no longer see the the big picture and there is no defined “path” for me to take. My entire life has been a set timeline of defined steps.

Elementary School –> Middle School –> High School –> College –> Job

This has been my plan my entire life. Somewhere in there a husband, house, and children are thrown in too. I’m already married and we don’t plan to have children for a few years, so that is pretty much set and we are hoping to be in a house soon, but what’s my next step? What path am I supposed to go down now? I have no idea and that scares the >insertpowerfulword< out of me. I am now at a point in my life where I just live day-to-day and I have no preparation on how to handle that. I feel like I should be working toward something, but I’m not even sure what that is.

Yes, yes, I totally understand “Carpe Diem!” or “Yolo” (for you hip, young people) and I genuinely try to enjoy each day as it comes. However, I can’t shake the feeling that I’m missing something. If you have a full-time job, or are going to school full-time, maybe you understand. You get so caught up in tests, projects, presentations, and general work stuff that you feel stuck. In college I knew my feelings were temporary and I would soon have my degree and move on to better things. What’s my better thing now? What goal am I working toward? What do I even want to do with my life?

My sister sent me a Facebook post that talked about all these famous people and where they started at 23 or how they were older when they got their big break. I get it. I’m young and I have plenty of time to figure my life out. Who knows. Maybe one day my dream of being a singer or tattoo artist (maybe a singing tattoo artist?) will actually happen (although I’m sure my lack of artistic ability makes a tattoo artist an unattainable dream).

There is so much I want to accomplish in this life. I have so many interests and desires for adventure. Maybe, just maybe, if I focus on just being happy, wherever I am, I won’t feel like I’m missing something. I know that life isn’t a set, defined path. I also know that my plans, may not line up exactly with God’s plans for me. My short term goal (yay, I got one!), is to let God guide my direction and trust in him entirely. It’s a lot easier said than done, but hey, I’m a work in progress.


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